Addiction is a disease process. This disease effects every member of your family. Managing this disease can be successful. To manage addiction successfully requires family members to take responsibility for their own recovery process.
The Goal of every addict is to use their drug of choice successfully. They can never succeed at this and their struggle to accomplish this results in the creation of a tremendous level of chaos for both themselves and their loved ones.
Nagging, preaching, threatening, lecturing or pleading is a waste of your time. the addict does not have anymore control over their disease process than you do. Which is none. The process of denial prevents them from knowing the truth.
Back Off !! The more energy you spend on trying to "force" a specific outcome the more helpless you make yourself feel. If you are preventing the addicted person from feeling the consequences of their addiction you must learn to stop this. Addiction does not respond to logic it only responds to experience.
Pain is the addicted person's best friend. Learn to allow the addict to feel the natural consequences of their behavior. When we "rescue" our loved one we are not helping them. We are soothing our own anxiety related to addiction in the family. In order to recover everyone in the family will experience uncomfortable feelings, learn to handle them in ways beside enabling behaviors.
What do I do? Get the facts, develop a support system with others who are "in the same boat." Practice new behaviors, not to try to create an outcome in the addict but to make your life better. Addiction thrives in an environment based on isolation, secrects, lies and shame.
It's a brain disease. Addiction causes distortion in both perception, thinking and behavior. Treatment for the addict is about learning how to think, feel and behave drug free. For the family members it is learning how to think, feel and behave without being dominated by anxiety, fear, and shame.