We act on our perceptions as if they were reality but are they?
If our reaction to addiction in the family is to try to control more aspects of the addicted persons life what does that say about our perceptions of addiction and our role in it?
If you believe that addiction is just bad decision making would you act differently toward the addict than if you believed that addiction was a disease that neither you nor the addict had any control over.
If you believed that the addicted person was suffering from a disease process and you believed that allowing the addicted person to experience the pain that they create in their lives was important, how would you act?
These are all questions that family members must come to grips with in order to figure out how to help the addicted person.
Where do we need to evolve to in our perceptions?
Try these out:
We have to learn to give up control of the outcome for the addict. This does not mean abandon them. The outcome for the addicted person is determined by them not you.
Addiction does not respond to logical thought it only responds to experience. Allow the addict to experience whatever they create in their lives.
When we rescue our family member from the consequences of their behavior we prevent them from succeeding or we prevent them from failing and feeling the consequences of their addiction.
How are they going to know they have a problem? Why should they make an effort to change if others take care of them?
What are your perceptions about addiction. How do you behave in relationship with the addicted person in your life? Does your behavior match up with what you believe?
You can't do this alone get support.