People have been writing and asking about addiction and manipulation.
The first thing to understand is that all addicted people manipulate. It isn't personal but it is what addicts do
The second thing to understand is that all family members and friends get manipulated by the addicted they care about. This is the normal dance that occurs with the disease of addiction
The third thing to know is that family members will continue to be manipulated until they make a decision to stop allowing this to happen.
As long as the addicted person is using they will not stop trying to manipulate. Don't expect the addicted person to change their behavior. This is normal behavior for the addicted person.
Family members and friends need to understand the nature of addiction. Addiction is a condition that alters the brain of the addicted person and causes a shift in perception. Because of the changes in the brain the addicted person believes that their drug of choice is what make life worth living, not family, friends, relationships, jobs, hobbies etc.
Compulsive drug use, lying and manipulation are the normal compulsive behaviors associated with addiction. Family members have no control over these behaviors although they spend tremendous amounts of energy attempting to control them.
Family members can control their response to these behaviors and that is the important skill to learn.
In their book "Love First" Jeff and Debra Jay have a chapter titled "Good Intentions Can Take You Down The Wrong Road." This chapter is about how family and friends get manipulated and inadvertently contribute to the addiction problems by helping the addicted person in inappropriate ways.
Family and friends need to learn the skill of allowing the addicted person they care about to experience the consequences of their addiction. If the addicted person isn't allowed to feel the pain they cause themselves they won't understand they have a problem or be motivated to change.
The addicted person can't see your pain. They can't see past their own needs. Anything that gets in their way is a problem that they must overcome, manipulate, get around so they can continue to use their drug of choice.
All addicted people manipulate, that's part of addiction. Don't take it personally, it's just how addicted people behave as a result of their condition.
The family needs to come together and talk about what is going on. Don't struggle alone. Check out Families Anonymous or Al Anon.
"If their lips are moving they are lying."