Saturday, November 26, 2011

More on Helping Yourself.

Taking better care of yourself both emotionally and physically will help you free up coping capacity. This will give you the opportunity to begin doing the things that are going to be important to you over time. It is important to keep in mind, what many of the comments on this blog have indicated, that the addicted family member may remain self destructive irrespective of any and all efforts of family members.

The decision family members and friends must make is whether they are willing to focus on their own well being. Are you willing to take care of yourself in spite of the on going addiction of your loved one? There is a temptation for family members to believe they must be an instrument in turning the addict's life around. Mix this perception with a misunderstanding of addiction, guilt and fear and you have a recipe for disaster.

My perspective is that taking care of yourself is crucial. It is the most important thing you can do for yourself and the addicted family member. You don't help a drowning person by drowning yourself. When you are over focused on trying to manage the addict's life your own life begins to shrink and will disappear unless you make some changes. This leads to frustration, hurt, anger and more. This is not the mindset you need to be helpful to the addict when the appropriate time arises.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

My Fiance is a "recovering" addict. she is on methadone. she recently started detoxing and when she hit half her dose she changed, like over night. all the old things started coming back. the behavior, the lies, the lack of affection, the coldness. We are "taking a break" because i can not watch her go down this path. she is using alcohol and sex to get her "fix"......
I know i cant do anything, but it hurts!!!!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Bob that family members of addicts must make sure they take care of themselves. When they take care of themselves they can better take care of the addict. The website below gives a lot of good information about family members and how they can help addicts overcome their addiction. Resource: http://www.onlineceucredit.com/ceus-youtube/addiction-intervention-mm12-13.html

Anonymous said...

Sorry. Here's the correct link that I was referring to above: http://www.onlineceucredit.com/ceus-online/mm-addictions-family/continuing-education.html

Jenny said...

I completely agree. I'm a master's level counselor and have seen family members destroy themselves time and time again. There is only so much you can do for the addict, but it must start with them.

Anonymous, good luck with your fiance, chances are that when her dose lowered her cravings reawakened and she's being forced to deal with something she has been able to 'forget' about for awhile. It's part of the process, but still agonizing to watch someone go through. I'm actually writing a book in treating female addicts you might be interested in, you can check out my blog at openingthedoorblog.blogspot.com. I'm hoping to help addict and family members alike!

Anonymous said...

My great grand mother who has raised me since day one..Has been feeding her family prescription pain pills for last decade..She recently had mutiple strokes and has recovered due to me and my fiance..I was in and out of the hospital with her day to day...Iam 22 now and she recently jus went back to herself..giving out pills money and worst of it all shes 88..rasing two children..newborn and 4 yr old..her grand daughter molly is hateful and on meth..my grandma raised molly to and now trying to raise moolys kids...I cant help to jus stay away now because my fiance is the blame..if someone could talk to me...thank you goxd bless

Treatment for Sex Addiction NYC said...

Greetings! Very helpful advice in this particular post! It is the little changes that produce the biggest changes. Thanks for sharing!