By the time family members seek help they are pretty anxious if not very fearful. They haven't been able to fully grasp what they are dealing with. They are not dealing with their son, daughter, spouse or parent. They are dealing with a disease process. This is not easy to understand. There is a wonderful Japanese analogy of what happens in addiction. "First the man takes a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes the man." When families seek help their loved one is usually in the second or third stage of this analogy.
The first step for the family is to realize that they have no control over the disease of addiction and then to learn what they can control how they respond to the addict, their environment and how they allow others to treat them. The second step is to learn how to implement these concepts.
Addicts get into treatment for only one reason and that is pain. It might be emotional , financial, medical or legal that breaks through their system of denial.