Wednesday, May 06, 2015

Creating A Healthier Relationship With The Addicted Person In Your Family (Part 2)

If you are so busy trying to manage your loved ones life your life will suffer. If your life suffers you will be less prepared to be of help to your loved one when they seriously seek help.

Over focusing on the addicted person can lead to resentment, hurt, anger, loss of your own identity, stress, guilt and physical illness. It is important to avoid this situation by getting support to help you with the skills needed to learn to have as much of a healthy relationship with your loved one as possible.

As you learn about addiction you are going to need support to be able to implement some of the new behaviors that you will learn about. Having support gives you the opportunity to talk with others who have been dealing with this issue and have practical skills in this area.

One of the most important skills you will learn about in having a healthy relationship with an addicted loved one is building boundaries. Building boundaries is not easy and feels abnormal but will begin to feel normal over time. Remember the goal of building boundaries is to take back your life and allow your loved one to experience the natural consequences of their addiction. Your part in this is to not to do many of the things that you may have previously done. Don't do for them what they should be doing for themselves, don't rescue them from the natural problems that occur as a result of their addiction, don't try to solve their financial, legal, or other problems or crisis's that occur in their life. You will need help with this and getting the support to do this is very important for you to be successful with building boundaries.

The importance of building boundaries with the addicted person in your life is that it gives you breathing room to put together the pieces of your own life. Remember the instructions for safety when you are on an airplane. If the oxygen mask drops down you put it on yourself first before you help anyone else. You are not abandoning your loved one but you are learning the difference between what their issues are and what your issues are. Without boundaries those lines get blurred and we take on there issues and neglect our own. Ultimately the addict must take responsibility for their addiction to be successful in recovery. You can't do it for them but you can start taking responsibility for your issues.